Introducing...

Lucy Lou Bragg. She was born on February 12, 2009, and adopted us as her own this morning. After we got her and were headed home we had a quick look over of her registration papers. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that her mother's name was Lady. Divine intervention, anyone?


x-posted to Pet Portrait Wednesday & my LiveJournal.

An Uplifting Message from Mother Nature . . .

So we all know that life goes on - even when we really don't want it to. It's been a hard week for me, I'm suffering a lot over the loss of Lady and focusing on the positive and uplifting has been near impossible. I'm driving myself crazy, not to mention those that have to deal with me in any capacity - so I'm drawing myself up short. Yes, Lady is gone. Yes, I miss her like crazy. Yes, I fully recognize the fact that this will be for quite some time.

It's also time for me to realize, however, one simple fact. Loss is essential to life the same way that new growth is. Case in point? My garden. Every fall/winter everything goes away. All the beauty browns and fades, leaving behind a shallow imprint of what was. Then spring comes, and with it a burst of new growth that is as essential as air. This dawned on me this morning as I was coming back in the house from taking Bradley to school. I looked to the left of the porch as I prepared to climb the stairs and was struck by the beauty of the bright, spring green shoots on my pine shrub with rain drops glistening on them.

So, I've taken a few pictures. It's amazing just how much brighter everything seems now that I've done this. It's as though, by taking the time to appreciate what Mother Nature has placed before me, I've also created a cleared path to a new chapter in my life. While I don't expect everyone to find hidden meaning in pictures of plants I still thought some of you may appreciate the beauty that is spring, so decided to share. Enjoy!

Sinful/Blissful - there is no difference!

I've never been much of a sweets eater. Especially in the ice cream department. My dad worked as a truck driver/delivery guy for a dairy as I was growing up and we had ice cream all the time. I guess I just got tired of it.

Fast forward to now. The "diet era" as I call it. I suddenly find that I crave sweets! Most likely because I'm supposed to refrain and - weak human that I am - I always want what I'm not supposed to have. I've found a few of the 100 Calorie Snack Pack desserts that are okay, but none of them ever made me feel like I was satisfying the craving. Then came nirvana in the freezer section!

I found these little gems on Sunday, and now my life is complete! They are delicious, make me feel like I've indulged in something, and only 2 Weight Watcher's points a bar!!

SQUEE!

You all know by now that I get up and do the Wii Fit every morning. Well, this morning when I hopped on - man, I HATE the way that thing says, "OH!" when you step on it! - I was in for quite a happy surprise...

I have now lost 20 pounds!!!!!!!!!!

ZOMG! From 2/16/2009 to 4/15/2009 I dropped t-w-e-n-t-y pounds. Whoah. I feel like I could conquer the world right now.

Food Journal (3/18/2009)

Another SQUEEful! moment from yesterday: I was getting ready to go out and be an awesome wife (I took the hubby out and let him buy new rims for his SUV) and grabbed my old, comfortable jeans to throw on. I had just done laundry, so they were fresh out of the dryer. Yeah, you know the routine, they're always just a little snug - not tight - but just snug enough that they stretch to perfect by the time you run out the door, right? WRONG! These puppies were saggy and baggy!! I started turning from side to side in the mirror looking, and then decided to experiment to see just how baggy they were. After pulling and tugging various parts of the jeans, I discovered that I could take them off easily while they were still buttoned and zipped!!!

This is the 5th week of my new healthy lifestyle, folks - that's right, I only started this on February 16th. It's been slow going, a little here and a little there, but it's working! Because of that I offer this suggestion - celebrate the little victories. Take pride in the way you feel. Even losing 1/2 a pound can result in holding your head higher, standing taller. It's so easy to lose focus on the positive, to become fixated on the fact that you're "dieting", on focusing on what you're missing - as opposed to what you're gaining. Fight it, people! Take pleasure in feeling your hip bones when you lay down at night. Enjoy the fact that your jeans don't leave ugly red marks on your stomach any longer. Notice that your knees and back aren't quite as stiff when you're up and about. That's what it's about and, after all, the little things will eventually all add up to something big!

Okay, enough of the PSA (lol), time for the food journal:

Breakfast (6)
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 Tbsp. peanut butter
1 Weight Watcher's yogurt
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (7)
Chicken breast
1 cup broccoli
1/2 cup pork'n beans

Dinner (11 points)
1 cup whole wheat spaghetti
3/4 cup meat sauce (made with turkey)
1 1/2 cups salad
2 Tbsp. light ranch dressing

Evening Snack (2)
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Food Journal (3/17/2009)

I just started my day by having to call and exchange my Old Navy order for a smaller size. *beams* It has made me so ridiculously proud of myself and what I'm doing that I'm almost in tears!

The best part? One more size to go down and I'll be out of plus size in bottoms!! I sure hope this great feeling lasts throughout the day!!

Breakfast (7)
Maple & Brown Sugar Cream of Wheat
3 egg whites
1 banana
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (8)
Weight Watcher's Smart Ones Pepperoni Smartwich
1 1/2 cups salad
2 Tbsp. light ranch dressing

Dinner (9)
Made a run for the border :P
2 Fresco Ranchero Chicken Soft tacos
1 Pintos 'n Cheese

Evening Snack (2)
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

An introduction . . .

Where to start? Hmmm . . . well, I'm Jenn. I'm 35, happily married, and mother to two boys. Very recently, my body has made me aware that I'm under WAY too much stress. Not one to ignore my body, I figure it's time to step up and listen - and do something about it.

It's been building for quite some time now. I quit smoking five years ago. And while I know that was the smartest thing I could do, I've never quite figured out how to deal with daily stress since then. I've picked up hobbies that calm and soothe me, but it just doesn't quite take the edge off. I've ignored it, pushed it off as "hormones", tried to just move past it.

The result? My body is shutting down. There is no other way to put it. I've put on a humiliating amount of weight - even though I eat very well most of the time. I have trouble sleeping. I keep a sinus infection. My feet ache constantly - when I get up to walk and don't have shoes on it feels like I'm walking barefoot on sharp gravel. I keep muscle knots in my neck and under my right shoulder blade. I'm not depressed - far from it. I'm blessed and I know it, though I must admit to being VERY down on myself most (if not all!) of the time.

For quite some time now I've lashed out at my poor husband for all of this. Blaming him, I guess, in an attempt to not face the real issue. Me. My insane desire to please everyone in my life - which automatically puts me at odds with myself. The fact that I'm unhappy about my weight. Getting mad at he and my boys for not helping more around the house. Nagging constantly to "get your chores done" and "get to bed".

All of it boils down to a lack of respect on their part, I realize that. Last night, though, I had an epiphany that brought me to the point of starting this blog. My husband and boys SHOULDN'T respect me. Not at this point, anyways. Because I don't respect myself. Somewhere along the line I have slipped into this whole martyr-complex thing and told myself that people would see how self-sacrificing and caring I was and want to help me. How stupid was that? How could I not have seen that by putting off my doctor's and dentist appointments, going without buying new clothes and getting haircuts, forcing myself to still get up and cook dinner when I was sick - just because someone whined about having to do it for me, and a myriad of other things, that I was really showing them that I was meant to be used? That, while I thought I was teaching them how to care for others, I was really teaching them that I wasn't worth caring about?

I know better now. I know that if I want my life to improve, which I do, I have to respect and care for myself FIRST. That by taking the time to make myself happy I'll be making them happier in the long run. The problem is I have no idea how in the heck to accomplish this. I've spent the past decade doing the WRONG things. Turning myself around and doing the RIGHT things now seems impossible.

I'm starting now. I've decided that my first step should be to make a list of the things it that make me feel happy. They may not all be about me, but if they make me happy they're going to be on the list. I'm jotting them down as I think about them, so I'm guessing that will be in the order of importance.

1. Having a clean home.
2. Feeling like I've provided nutritious and edible meals for my family.
3. Finding time to take a shower - even at midnight!
4. Quiet - the ability to curl up with a good book and not have to set it aside to deal with anyone interrupting me.
5. Feeling good enough to bake cookies during the day, just to surprise my guys with when they get home.
6. The feel of the yarn sliding through my fingers as I knit &/or crochet.
7. Sitting down at my sewing machine and creating.
8. Pulling up weeds in my garden, and seeing my plants reappear each spring.

Okay, well, that's a start - and I've rambled on here enough. Now to figure out a way to stop sitting around moping because the house is a mess, I ache too bad to cook and I have no time to sew - move past it - and become a happy and productive person again.

My goal for this week? To do at least one thing a day that has something to do with this list. Baby steps. I'm not going to try to scrub the entire house is one day, but if I manage to clean a bathroom that is a branch of my journey accomplished, is it not?