My youngest got home from school at 3:00PM. At this point I was suffering from blurry vision, and had a pretty horrible headache. I got his snack, settled him into his homework routine, and returned to the couch. Finally, at 4:00PM I felt sleep, blissful sleep, settling over me. When I gave myself over to it I had a visitor waiting for me on the other side. My beloved grandfather was there! We were visiting, I was cooking him dinner, and we were planning his birthday party for later that night. He was SO excited about it, beaming and looking up at me with such love in his eyes. I awoke an hour later, and when I opened my eyes I swear I could smell the combination of Ben Gay and Black Suede that was his alone. I wanted so desperately to go back to sleep, to see him again. Had he lived to be 150 years old I still would not be ready to never see him again. My heart broke when I realized that I couldn't go back to sleep, that life demanded that I remain with it, rather than visiting with someone who had passed. Forcing myself up, I went over my youngest's spelling words and began cooking dinner.
Maybe my brain was giving me comfort that it new I needed. Maybe, just maybe, he did visit me for a time, knowing that I was sick and missing him more than normal. I'll never know, and I never want to. I just hope that he'll show up again someday, and that I can see that smile and the love in those eyes that I miss so much again. Oh, and just in case our beloved that have passed are checking in on us? Thank you, Papaw, for coming to see me. I love you!
1-11-22 to 1-27-07