Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Hello? Can Anyone Hear Me?

Okay, so I know that a few of you out there in cyberspace may actually read this, and the title is NOT speaking to you. It's speaking to the males that I live with. My husband and sons. Being the only female in a household is...well...lonely.

All of my "free" time is spent cleaning up their muck from the few hours they spend at home every day. I am stuck in this house every day of my life. I never get a chance to go HOME from work and destress, as my work IS my home. I have no time for outside interests, as all of my time is spent getting them to and from THEIR outside interests. I could join a gym, a quilting bee, a knitting guild; however, then the muck that they leave behind every time I turn around would begin to reproduce, and then we'd ALL be in trouble!

So...what's a gal to do? I'm sinking, folks, have been for a while...and I can feel the decent gaining momentum. I hate feeling like my home, like my FAMILY are a prison...yet that's how I feel. All of my attempts to shove these feelings aside and tell myself that what I'm doing is important have been in vain. Being at home ALL of the time, where the most important contribution I make to the world is cleaning a litter box and running a vacuum is just draining me of happiness. Most days I'm so miserable that I sit in a funk and brood...and that is just not acceptable.

I've tried to explain this to my husband, and to be fair he does TRY to help. Sort of. As much as a man who really has no idea where his wife is coming from can. He wants me to join a quilting bee, volunteer at the library, etc., but I don't think he's hearing me when I tell him that there is no time to, with the mess that awaits me every day of my life. He doesn't seem to understand that the shaving cream doesn't put itself back in the bathroom cabinet, that the dishes don't do themselves, that the kids sports & music equipment doesn't organize itself.

*sigh* Maybe I'm the one who's not hearing him. I don't know. I just know that this gloomy cloud that has been hanging over me needs to let the sun break through. I'm just worn out with this.

Monday, March 8, 2010

A Cherished Visit

Anyone who knows me knows that I've been pretty darn sick for the last week. My hubby decided to share his cooties with me, and I have been down for the count. As is usually the case with a bad case of the cooties everything has now settled in my chest, making sleep a commodity that is hard to get my hands on. Last night I sat in my hubby's ratty recliner (why he loves that thing so I will NEVER understand) reading Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth until 3:00AM, praying the entire time for sleep to come to me. While reading I found my thoughts drifting to my grandfather, who passed away in 2007. We were very close, talking to one another every morning at 10:00AM, and 3 years later I still feel a pang in my heart every morning at that time when the phone doesn't ring. Finally feeling myself nodding off I dashed to my bed and got a fitful 2 1/2 hours of sleep before it was time to get the kids up and off to school.

My youngest got home from school at 3:00PM. At this point I was suffering from blurry vision, and had a pretty horrible headache. I got his snack, settled him into his homework routine, and returned to the couch. Finally, at 4:00PM I felt sleep, blissful sleep, settling over me. When I gave myself over to it I had a visitor waiting for me on the other side. My beloved grandfather was there! We were visiting, I was cooking him dinner, and we were planning his birthday party for later that night. He was SO excited about it, beaming and looking up at me with such love in his eyes. I awoke an hour later, and when I opened my eyes I swear I could smell the combination of Ben Gay and Black Suede that was his alone. I wanted so desperately to go back to sleep, to see him again. Had he lived to be 150 years old I still would not be ready to never see him again. My heart broke when I realized that I couldn't go back to sleep, that life demanded that I remain with it, rather than visiting with someone who had passed. Forcing myself up, I went over my youngest's spelling words and began cooking dinner.

Maybe my brain was giving me comfort that it new I needed. Maybe, just maybe, he did visit me for a time, knowing that I was sick and missing him more than normal. I'll never know, and I never want to. I just hope that he'll show up again someday, and that I can see that smile and the love in those eyes that I miss so much again. Oh, and just in case our beloved that have passed are checking in on us? Thank you, Papaw, for coming to see me. I love you!


1-11-22 to 1-27-07

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

T.A.R.D.I.S.


Time And Relative Dimension In Space, for those of you not completely obsessed by Doctor Who. I, on the other hand, am proudly obsessed. To the point that I am currently finishing up the first half of pair of T.A.R.D.I.S. socks. Yep, I'm that girl; however, I fully embrace my geek status and make no apologies for it.

The point of this blog entry, though, is to acknowledge the discovery of my own T.A.R.D.I.S. That's right...be jealous...I have my OWN! You see, last week I was standing at the kitchen sink preparing to wash dishes when I noticed that one of the males in the house had not tightened the lid on the dish wand properly and some of the Dawn had leaked out onto the surrounding area of the sink. I tend to be a bit frugal about things (i.e., I refuse to use lights during the day, turn bottles upside down to drain every drop of the goods that they hold, etc.), so decided to just scoop the spill up onto my sponge and rinse it into the filling sink. I mean, it was soap...and waste not, want not, right? I failed to realize just how much soap it was, though, and soon had a sink full of very sudsy dishwater.

BAZINGA! (If you get that reference, as well, you are my kind of person!) I found myself instantly transported back in time. The year was 1978, and I was five years old. I was standing in my grandparent's tiny kitchen, getting a lecture from my grandmother about how to be a lady. I was alternately stepping on my own toes in a strange little dance and hiding my sure to be filthy fingernails behind my back. You see, I hated being a girl. I refused to play with girls, choosing instead to build hot wheels tracks in the dirt with the boys. My parents couldn't even get me to wear a dress to church on Sunday mornings. The best that they could do was dark finish blue jeans and a ruffled plaid shirt. My grandmother is not fooled by my evasive tactics. With an eagle eye that only she possesses, she tells me to show her my hands. I do so, knowing what is going to happen next, but unable to deny this woman who both terrifies me and fascinates me, who I am positive that the Earth revolves around. Sure enough the next minute is filled up with me getting an apron tied around me, watching a chair being dragged over to in front of her kitchen sink, and her telling me that I'm going to wash the dishes. Then comes the moment that transported me to that particular time in the first place...my grandmother pulls out a box of Tide and dumps a scoopful in the sink. Yes, you heard me right. My grandmother used Tide for everything! From washing clothes, to doing dishes, it's usefulness knew no bounds...she even bathed my father and uncle in it when they were boys! I could already feel the slimy, sudsy water rinsing away the dirt that I had spent the better part of the afternoon embedding into my skin. The water would be hot, and after I had washed the dishes and loosened the dirt I knew a nail brush was waiting in the wings to make sure that the miracle soap had removed all traces of filth from me. Sighing, I step forward and take the plunge.

Now I'm back in 2010, standing at the kitchen sink in my own home, with my own dirty dishes, left behind by my own two sons. I've never bathed them in Tide, though surely they've been dirty enough from time to time in their lives. As I get ready to plunge my hands into the water I look down at my nails. They're clean now, no dirt to be seen. The nails are neat and trimmed, and I'm a perfect lady (Okay, this isn't technically true, I'd still rather play football than read gossip rags, so let's just say I look the part!) I glance over to my left, into my laundry room. There it is on the shelf above my washer...Tide. I smile a little smile and feel my heart break a little, yearning to be that five year old tomboy once again, just to feel my grandmothers hands again...to smell that smell that was hers alone; yet, honored beyond belief that I got to have that trip back in time to experience it....to experience her again.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Let It Be

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about why we, as adults, can't just let it be a little more. Specifically when it comes to our children. Why do we feel the need to push them to be more, be better? Are they not perfect just as they are? The sad truth is yes, they are, but we feel the desire for them to be superstars, to be perfect in everything that they do.

I'm no exception. My youngest has a horrible time making decisions. To the point that, if it's something that really matters to him, he has a mild panic attack. Almost always this ends with me forcing the issue, telling him he has until the count of 10 to make a decision, and whatever decision he makes at that point is the final one. As I sit here now, reflecting on past actions, I wonder if it would all turn out differently if I would just talk with him, asking him to point out to me what is making him unable to make up his mind. If I took more of a practical approach, teaching him to work through the blind panic that he suffers from his fear of making the wrong choice. Perhaps a list would work for him - pros on one side, cons on the other. The point is that I need to let him be. I need to not force him to make a decision, but teach him that he can make one while still being true to himself. He's fine the way he is, and his lack of decision-making ability is part of that "fine".

Growing up my parents told me constantly that I needed to "toughen up". That wearing my heart on my sleeve would just get it broken. While I know that my parents loved me hearing this constant drone of what was wrong with me has haunted me every day. It led to a lot of questioning myself, not knowing who I was, and feeling like no matter who I was I just wasn't good enough. It's taken the better part of 15 years for me to work through this, to realize that I am the best that I can be, and that even if I am a little soft, even if I do let my emotions shine through, that it doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't make me unworthy. Do I get my heart broken more than most? More than likely. Could I benefit from being a little tougher? I figure so. Does that diminish my ability to love, or my deservedness to be loved in return? Not in the slightest.

I guess the moral of this little blog entry is simple. If you find yourself picking at your child's character and the behavior that they're exhibiting is not destructive to them or others maybe you should just let it be. Let them become the best that they can be without the constant self-doubt that is going to plague them otherwise.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Last week in crafts...

Well, you all already saw that I finished my Anastasia socks.

I also managed to get quite a bit of work done on my quilt!

I got the nine-patch squares attached to the center strip, the center strip that connects the square halves together sewn, cut & pressed, AND got 6 squares completely assembled. I'm hoping to find time this week to, at the very least, finish assembling the squares. The dream would be for me to also get the squares connected into strips, but I don't know if that can happen or not.

I finished the sweater that I was working on, and found a little time to play around and take my first stab at making some note cards!



Not too bad for a first try, huh? Okay, I'm off for now. I've got a TON to get done around this house before this afternoon, and I've yet to figure out how to blog and clean at the same time.

Have a great Monday!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I Love Socks!

I do, I really do. There is just nothing like the feel of warm, woolen, handknit socks. Even better is when you make them for yourself!

I finished my Anastasia socks this morning, and am going to be sporting them while toting mounds of laundry to and fro today.

Be jealous!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Laundry Lottery!

Apparently I am special. I mean, how many people can say that they had Raphael's shell in their laundry, right? Only someone truly special, exceptionally unique could accomplish such a feat; I feel sure!

For those of you scratching your head, Raphael is one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My youngest son is quite enthralled by them, and has a Raphael costume that he dons quite frequently to fight the evil that hides in his closet.

Also a part of this week's "winnings" are:
  • the ever present Bakugan card
  • 6 peppermint candies
  • 2 empty candy wrappers
  • a fuel receipt
  • a Post-It note with some hubby scribbles on it
  • a HUGE wad of tissue paper (Yeah, I'm still trying to figure this one out!)
That's all for this week, folks! I'm off now to feed my hungry hoard who are, yet again, snowed in with me. The poor kids are going nuts...they've only been to school for 2 1/2 days since December 21st!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Laundry Lottery!

I'm reviving Laundry Lottery for the new year. I've been taking pics diligently every week, yet never getting around to posting them! I won't bog you down with 2-3 months worth of photos, though, so never fear!

This week was, apparently, "If you don't want to put it where it goes just throw it in the dirty laundry" week. I wish someone would have told me this so I could've nixed it. I'm not very amused.

Oh, well. It's over and dealt with now...and I'm still kicking...so no harm. There is one heck of a foul, though, and my guys better beware the wrath they have stirred!


On to the list:
  1. The hood to my 9-YO's winter coat.
  2. A beanie.
  3. A Bakugan card AND pen.
  4. One Spiderman glove.
  5. An extension cord.
  6. A quarter.
  7. A pocketknife.
  8. The string from a hoody that I'll have to put back later....once I find which hoody it came from.
  9. A pair of my hubby's gloves.