Yesterday

Today The Hubster celebrates his 41st birthday. To commemorate the occasion I wrote him a little story centered around our first meeting on Facebook and tagged him in it. You can see it below.

I posted this video along with it. 

That song perfectly sums up our relationship. I'd marry him yesterday, today, and tomorrow. No hesitation, no doubts. Now we sound like newlyweds, huh? Nah. We've been together for just shy of 17 years now. Pretty much conjoined twins from our first date to the present. Has it always been easy? Umm....NO! I can't tell you the number of times that it would have been easier to throw in the towel and call it quits, rather than fix what was broken. The Hubster and I don't think like that, though. We're fixers. We got married determined to grow old and gray together. It'd be kind of stupid to throw all of that away just because you're both too stubborn to work on yourselves.

ANYWHO....I'm off track here. Writing that little story for him has made me wax poetic about the passage of time in our lives. Whether we're on this earth for a second or a century it's still just a blink of the eye. You see, to me, it feels like just yesterday that he barked out the order for my phone number. When I look at his face, now starting to show the lines of aging, I can still see the smooth skin, crooked grin, and dimples that are forever stamped on my heart from our first meeting. I still feel like the young girl who repainted her nails 4 times the day of our first date, because I couldn't decide on which color I wanted.

Just yesterday I was wrapping our youngest son up in his hooded towel after his bath, heading to his room to get him diapered and dressed. We had a ritual, you see. As he was getting lotioned and powdered we'd sing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". Then, as soon as he was dressed, we'd sing "Ten Little Indians" on his itty-bitty fingers. A quick brushing of his sweet smelling hair and it was off to the recliner to read Please Try To Remember the First of Octember, which was always sure to get a giggle. 

That sweet little baby will officially be a teenager in 2 short months. He's spent his day evenly divided between playing PS3 and taking care of me, as I'm down for the count with a bad cold that's trying its best to turn into bronchitis. He made me a bagel and bacon for breakfast. He's brought me glass after glass of ice water. Heated up some leftover chili for my lunch. It seems so unbelievable that he's already almost grown, that our time as parents is almost over.

See what I mean? Yesterday is just chock full of things that just happened...even if the reality is that they happened almost two decades ago. That's how fast it passes. You blink and it's over. I guess I could allow myself to feel maudlin about it. I'd rather feel anticipatory, though. I'd rather look forward to the next blink...the next breath...the next yesterday, because I have a feeling they're going to be just as special as today's yesterday is!

A Cherished Visit

Anyone who knows me knows that I've been pretty darn sick for the last week. My hubby decided to share his cooties with me, and I have been down for the count. As is usually the case with a bad case of the cooties everything has now settled in my chest, making sleep a commodity that is hard to get my hands on. Last night I sat in my hubby's ratty recliner (why he loves that thing so I will NEVER understand) reading Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth until 3:00AM, praying the entire time for sleep to come to me. While reading I found my thoughts drifting to my grandfather, who passed away in 2007. We were very close, talking to one another every morning at 10:00AM, and 3 years later I still feel a pang in my heart every morning at that time when the phone doesn't ring. Finally feeling myself nodding off I dashed to my bed and got a fitful 2 1/2 hours of sleep before it was time to get the kids up and off to school.

My youngest got home from school at 3:00PM. At this point I was suffering from blurry vision, and had a pretty horrible headache. I got his snack, settled him into his homework routine, and returned to the couch. Finally, at 4:00PM I felt sleep, blissful sleep, settling over me. When I gave myself over to it I had a visitor waiting for me on the other side. My beloved grandfather was there! We were visiting, I was cooking him dinner, and we were planning his birthday party for later that night. He was SO excited about it, beaming and looking up at me with such love in his eyes. I awoke an hour later, and when I opened my eyes I swear I could smell the combination of Ben Gay and Black Suede that was his alone. I wanted so desperately to go back to sleep, to see him again. Had he lived to be 150 years old I still would not be ready to never see him again. My heart broke when I realized that I couldn't go back to sleep, that life demanded that I remain with it, rather than visiting with someone who had passed. Forcing myself up, I went over my youngest's spelling words and began cooking dinner.

Maybe my brain was giving me comfort that it new I needed. Maybe, just maybe, he did visit me for a time, knowing that I was sick and missing him more than normal. I'll never know, and I never want to. I just hope that he'll show up again someday, and that I can see that smile and the love in those eyes that I miss so much again. Oh, and just in case our beloved that have passed are checking in on us? Thank you, Papaw, for coming to see me. I love you!

1-11-22 to 1-27-07