Music Monday!

There's no real reason behind this song. No hidden importance in my life. I simply woke up with it running through my mind.

Abracadabra, Presto, KAZAM!!

Utter Clutter, Batman!

Around this time last year we redecorated our living room. The Hubster moved his gargantuan television to the wall above our fireplace to help make a feasible floor plan, and I built melamine shelves in the little niche beside the fireplace to house all of the electronic must-haves that attach to the television. We were delighted for the shelves, save for one aspect. Board game storage was below the shelves and, while we always keep it neat it just made everything look cluttered!

Then, around June last year, the retail store The Hubster works for was doing a HUGE drapery reset. This meant that all of the floor samples were being replaced. Rather than throw these samples away the store decided to hold a silent auction on all of them, with the proceeds going to a children's charity. Ummm...all that fabric? Yeah, I drooled a bit (okay, more than a bit, but I have some pride!) and begged The Hubster to bid on my behalf. He did. We won. I was the proud owner of hundreds of drapery samples. The possibilities were infinite! To date these samples have made a panel for an odd, octagonal window in my bathroom, been shared with, and inspired a living room and dining room redo, for my mother and father; and, now, utilized to hide my tidy yet cluttered board game storage area!

This is REALLY about to happen!

The only problem was how to hang it. We bought a dowel rod, but couldn't figure out how to secure it under the shelf properly so that the brackets didn't show and there was no gap between the shelves and the curtain. This past week The Hubster and I were cleaning at my parents house and I was hanging things in a newly reformatted closet in their guest room. I saw the closet bars and had a EUREKA! moment. I asked my father if just the closet bars and brackets were available for purchase, as they were part of a kit. He wasn't sure, and I went about my cleaning with my brain hard at work planning on finding a time to head to the home improvement store and see what I could find. A few minutes later, bless his heart, he came downstairs and presented me with a package of the coveted closet bars and brackets! They were left over, and he had no use for them. Gee, you think I was excited?

The Hubster, hard at work on
his Honey-Do List!

Yesterday was the first day of The Hubster's first vacation of the year. We're heading to Cincinnati tomorrow morning bright and early for our first childless and petless anniversary trip since June of 1999! WOO-HOO!! Just a quick, weekend jaunt to a baseball game (Go, Reds!) and a nice hotel. We'll be back Monday, and are planning on spending the rest of the week getting some things done around the house that have piled up. You know the things I'm talking about...getting the fireplace cleaned up and the damper closed for summer, fixing squeaky doors and leaky faucets, some painting, and the doozy - moving our outdoor building to a lower location and fixing the floor. After we had an unexpected free day this morning, thanks to thunderstorms and a cancelled ballgame for our youngest kiddo, we decided to go ahead and tackle the curtain project. I headed to the sewing machine to cut and hem the drapery sample to the correct length, and The Hubster got busy cutting the metal bars to length and attaching the brackets under the edge of the shelves.

The whole project, from the gathering phase to the finished product, took about an hour. We're both absolutely tickled with the results, and unbelievably enough we did the entire thing without one loss of temper on either side! Now THAT is proof that it was a truly magical project!!

Abracadabra, Presto, KAZAM!!
Utter Clutter, you have been puttered!!!

That Bud Made Me Blossom!

No...not that type of bud. Seriously, people, minds out of the gutter! I meant a tiny, early bud on one of the tomato plants in our little garden. I wasn't feeling the best yesterday. The pollen counts are skyrocketing which makes me feel like I've got the flu. I ache in every joint, my facial skeleton feels like it's being pulled apart from the inside out, my head throbs, and I'm in the negative on energy. Needless to say, those things tend to have the same soul-sucking technique as Dementors.

I hadn't been able to water the garden for a couple of days. A cold front had gone through and, had I watered the plants, they would have frozen. Yesterday the front broke. It was warm and there was a little sun, though storms were moving in. I looked out the patio door and the sight of my beautiful plants almost broke my heart. They just looked to droopy and sad! Jenn to the rescue!! I quickly armed myself with a watering can and large bucket of water, and out the door I went.

A return trip for another bucket of water later found my plants reaching for the heavens once again. While I'd been out watering our Boxer, Lucy, and her next-door pal (also a Boxer), Rose, had been running around me playing.  Dashing in and out of the house, yipping; basically, doing anything possible to entertain me during what they deemed a very boring job. It was far from boring. I absolutely love the feel of working with the earth. To grow and sustain life, then use it to feed my family. It's beauty in its truest form. At that moment I felt like nothing could make me any more peaceful, serene and relaxed than I was. Then? I noticed it. At the top of the largest tomato plant we had purchased, a Mr. Stripey Heirloom that the hubster fell in love with. A bud! Just over a week after placing the plant!!

That, gentle readers, is what life is all about. The explanation of the answer "42", for those of you bibliophile sci-fi geeks like me. To me, that is what we are all meant to do! Plant seeds, whatever type you like. If you want to write? Plant a writing seed. Dance? Plant a dancing seed! Tend to it. Weed out anything that threatens to steal its nutrients. Water it. Cultivate it to make sure that its roots are getting what they need. It won't take long and you'll have a tiny bud. A little while after that the bud will turn to a blossom. Keep at it and (yep...you guessed it!) that blossom will turn into the sweetest, most succulent fruit you could ever imagine.

Don't Delude Yourself, It's Really Just Martyrdom

I can't believe how easy it's become, over my years as a wife and mother, to sacrifice myself for "the greater good". This greater good has come to mean many things. For example, do I wash the dishes or take a shower? Hmmm, it would be selfish to take a shower. Dishes it is! What IS that? Why do we, as women, do this to ourselves? I've spent the better part of two years now trying to break this insane habit, and I'm pleased as punch to report that it finally seems to be working.

Ironically enough I just found my writing time interrupted by a dog who, though she's already been outside once today, began whimpering as if the dam of her bladder were about to burst. True to what I have forced myself to become I found myself getting up from the keyboard to let her out. It IS the greater good, after all, right? Guess what? I STOPPED MYSELF! That's right, folks, I didn't cave in. This is MY writing time. Fifteen minutes out of my morning where I can focus on me and not what everyone else needs. I may have a pouting pooch now, but by golly gee she can wait.

Things are definitely changing for the better in my mind. It's no longer a struggle to choose to wash my face, brush my teeth, exercise, and eat breakfast before doing chores. I can see now that the chores will still be there when I'm done, and that I will be better off physically, emotionally, AND spiritually for taking care of myself. The chores will actually go by quicker, as I'm not bogged down by anxiety that I tell myself I have no clue where it comes from. If I'm brutally honest with myself I can admit that the anxiety has always been caused by my conscience telling me that I'm ignoring something very important.

It's not all kicks and giggles, though. It's hard on me to focus on myself. I've always been one to try to please others. The simple truth is that I'm having to learn, on hurdle at a time, that pleasing myself is just as important. If someone else has to wait a little longer than they'd like for me to finish something for them? It just has to be that way. I know this. Really, I do. The guilt that I feel, though, isn't diminished by that knowledge. I've spent so much of my life being Little Miss Eager to Please that it's very difficult to switch my way of thinking. I have to, though. Because the fact is that this "greater good" I've used to deny myself for all of these years? Yeah. It's not what I thought it was. Turns out it was just a one way ticket to martyrdom. A place where I sacrifice everything about me to soothe my own feelings of guilt, all the while creating a league of greedy monsters in my life who think that my only function is to produce for them. I've created a life where I exist solely for the use of others.

So what now? An inch at a time. Slowly clawing my way through the ridiculous restrictions I've buried myself in. Demanding that I give myself what has been so freely given to others for much too long. Remembering what a kick ass gal I was before I gave myself over to martyrdom, and keeping my inner eye on that goal when it would be oh-so-much easier to give in and not face the spoils of what I've created in the world around me. I'll do it, no doubt about that. And I'm absolutely positive that, once I get there, that I'll never leave again.

The Writing Experiment

Late Night Jammy Knitting

I've read over the years that journaling is a good way to beat stress in one's life. We could all use a little stress relief, right? So I figure what the hee-haw, I'll give it a go!  I shall dub thee, "The Writing Experiment"...

I have a 15 minute window every morning where the kiddo has gotten on the school bus, the hubster is on his way to work and not in cell phone range to call me, and I am quiet and alone. It's my coffee time. My time to think about what I need to accomplish for the day versus what I want to accomplish for the day. Why not take that time, instead, to write about something positive? To give myself a little gift of a happy thought before I tackle dirty dishes, messes left for me to discover, and the age-old question of what the heck to wear!

Last night I stayed up when everyone else went to bed. I felt like I needed to get a certain portion of a pattern repeat done on one of my current commissions, just so I could feel on top of it. About 11:30 found me curled up in my spot on the sofa, comfy jammies on, television off (for once!), with my knitting in hand. A little Van Morrison on Ye Olde iPhone and I was set!

It was only an hour. A tiny speck of time in my day. Yet about halfway through the time I realized just how wonderful it was. No one needing me for anything. I could work at my pace without having to stop, get up, and take care of someone else's needs or wants. It was quiet. No television blaring, drowning out my thoughts and reflections (have I mentioned that, outside of my handful of shows, I'm really not a TV person?). It was peaceful. No conversations to keep up with. For that stretch of time I was completely and totally MYSELF. It's amazing how little you get to do that as a wife and mother. Just give yourself over to yourself, focus solely on what you want to do.

I didn't get much accomplished in my hour. I met my goal - a quarter of a pattern repeat. I thought, at first, of shooting for half of a pattern repeat. Then a mis-stitch in the first row resulted in my having to frog and rework said row. After fixing that I realized that knitting wasn't my main goal in deciding to stay up and knit. Having some quiet to unwind and not worry about anything was. So I stuck with the original idea of a quarter of a repeat, finished it up, and went to bed.

I went to sleep much easier than normal. The ever-present tension in my neck and shoulders was on a much lower scale. My over-stressed brain wasn't making lists of what needed to be done today. I may not have gotten enough sleep (5 hours isn't enough, let's face it!). I may have started my day off as chock full of stress as usual (The hubster hitting his snooze for an hour, the kiddo being unable to use any motor skills other than that of rapid-fire speech, the dog whining to go out, etc.). But it was still different. I was looking forward to my 15 minute window for writing. All so I could share my hour of blissful, peaceful solitude.

Music Monday!

I know I fluctuate from genre to genre a lot in music. Eclectic tastes combined with a musical background are prerequisites for that, I think.

Anyhow....I always seem to return to the Alternative genre. It's my "comfort food" when it comes to music. The grunge scene was all about me, apparently, and I just don't think any other genre fully comprehended the 90s as well. This is one of my favorites from that decade.

Dear Body,

I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you these past two weeks. It's unfair to ignore your needs for convenience, then still expect you to give me maximum output.

I ignored the signs of allergy strain via ear infection that you sent me, choosing instead to use the drops just long enough for the pain and swelling to go away. An oath is pledged now that I will restart the drops this very morning, and finish the full course.

I've dumped toxic sludge into you by way of pre-processed, non-existent nutritional value, loaded with simple carbohydrates "quick meals" that have you feeling sticky and like you're moving through molasses. Then, to add insult to injury, I've ignored your need for agua for way too much coffee, with spurts of pink lemonade thrown in. Starting this morning I'll get you back on the right track. An abundance of hydration is the first order of the day, so it's back to one cup of morning coffee. I'm cleaning out the Refrigerator of Doom before breakfast, so that my excuse of not being able to find anything healthy to cook is no longer valid. Keep your eyes open for fresh fruits, vegetables, and leafy greens today...I hope you enjoy!

As for the exercise that you crave and enjoy (though the brain doesn't enjoy it a bit I know that you, Body, do!) I have chosen, instead, to breeze past the treadmill and heavy bag. Turn a blind eye to my Tai Chi, Yoga, and Pilates. Then I tackle labor intensive jobs that leave you sore, scratched, aching, cramping, and exhausted. These chores have to be done, and I apologize for that, but from today on they will only be done AFTER you have been properly exercised. I will also not be so stubborn about taking the time to tend to your aches and pains. I realize that we both loathe medicinal intervention so I will make sure to use my herbal teas and holistic remedies to soothe you back to a feeling of calmness.

I do love you, Body. It's you and me until the end, and I should treat you with the respect that you deserve. I'm but a weak soul, however, so please know that these slip-ups are a result of such and have nothing to do with us being enemies in any way. Perhaps from now on I can do a better job of showing you just how important you are to me.

With Highest Regards,    

The Soul Which You House

xoxoxoxoxo

Music Monday!

Feeling a little nostalgic, so I figured I'd share my absolute favorite Led Zeppelin song, Over the Hills and Far Away. Nothing like a cool spring night, some Zeppelin playing in the background, and a group of friends around a fire pit...

Music Monday!

Woops! I missed last week. To be fair to myself, though? It was a CRAPTASTIC week. I used the time off making my normal post to wallow in self-pity and dream of lighting up a cigarette (which I haven't done for well over 7 years now).

I'm back on track now. Venturing back to my days of HUGE bangs, Doc Martens, and cut-off Levi's ... all topped off with a trench coat and my ever present sunglasses. Damn. I used to be SO freaking cool. Tell me, is 38 too old to rock the Doc Martens? I'm thinking they may need to be reinstated as a normal part of my life...