Sometimes a gal just has to give in to the evil...

Case in point, tonight in our little cottage. I've had a muscle cramp under my shoulder blade for three days that is PAINFUL. Thinking I'd soak it out I ran a hot bath, turned on my favorite Pandora station and relaxed. A little while later The Hubster poked his head in the bathroom to ask me a question ('cause, you know, taking a bath alone when you're the sole female of a household does NOT happen. Ever.), and mentioned that he liked the song that was playing.

I should have resisted, I know.

Good girls just don't DO bad things like this.

I knew how mean it was.

In the end; however, I couldn't hold myself back. Without missing a beat I got a confused look on my face and said, "Honey? Umm...what song? There's no music playing."

Did I mention that The Hubster has a tendency to get spooked easily when it comes to the paranormal. His eyes got saucer-sized, and that head popped back out of the bathroom as quickly as it had appeared. Of course, no before he heard my raucous laughter and realized that I'd made a monkey out of him.

Oh, and in case you were wondering? The song that caused the moment of panic is below. Enjoy!

Dear Body,

I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you these past two weeks. It's unfair to ignore your needs for convenience, then still expect you to give me maximum output.

I ignored the signs of allergy strain via ear infection that you sent me, choosing instead to use the drops just long enough for the pain and swelling to go away. An oath is pledged now that I will restart the drops this very morning, and finish the full course.

I've dumped toxic sludge into you by way of pre-processed, non-existent nutritional value, loaded with simple carbohydrates "quick meals" that have you feeling sticky and like you're moving through molasses. Then, to add insult to injury, I've ignored your need for agua for way too much coffee, with spurts of pink lemonade thrown in. Starting this morning I'll get you back on the right track. An abundance of hydration is the first order of the day, so it's back to one cup of morning coffee. I'm cleaning out the Refrigerator of Doom before breakfast, so that my excuse of not being able to find anything healthy to cook is no longer valid. Keep your eyes open for fresh fruits, vegetables, and leafy greens today...I hope you enjoy!

As for the exercise that you crave and enjoy (though the brain doesn't enjoy it a bit I know that you, Body, do!) I have chosen, instead, to breeze past the treadmill and heavy bag. Turn a blind eye to my Tai Chi, Yoga, and Pilates. Then I tackle labor intensive jobs that leave you sore, scratched, aching, cramping, and exhausted. These chores have to be done, and I apologize for that, but from today on they will only be done AFTER you have been properly exercised. I will also not be so stubborn about taking the time to tend to your aches and pains. I realize that we both loathe medicinal intervention so I will make sure to use my herbal teas and holistic remedies to soothe you back to a feeling of calmness.

I do love you, Body. It's you and me until the end, and I should treat you with the respect that you deserve. I'm but a weak soul, however, so please know that these slip-ups are a result of such and have nothing to do with us being enemies in any way. Perhaps from now on I can do a better job of showing you just how important you are to me.

With Highest Regards,    

The Soul Which You House

xoxoxoxoxo

Week 9 Weigh-In

Drum roll, please .................................................

Today's weight as 197.1!! I've now officially lost 20.3 pounds, which is amazing.

It would have been more, but a horrible event Thursday sent me running for the chocolate. You see, my beloved Boxer - Lady - lost her battle with cancer. She was almost 8 years old, and the loss struck a blow that I still feel acutely. Because of this, I've totally forgiven myself for my chocolate binge. I won't be letting it happen again anytime soon, but it was warranted AND needed.

To end this post, I'll let you all see just what I lost.

Lady Anastsia Bragg
June 11, 2001 - April 16, 2009

Week 8 Weigh-In

Well, I flopped. Last week was just a train wreck for me! The hubby was on vacation, which was great, but it also meant that I was much busier than normal. The result? Continually making the wrong, albeit easy, food choices - which left me in a constant state of hunger. I finally caved in last night and did some major emotional eating. Enough that what was a .5 pound loss for the week turned into me breaking dead even.

I know, I know, it could have been much worse. I could have gained. I could be back over 200, instead of still below it. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up over it, but I'm having a hard time of it, so I'm going to list the positives of my self-imposed plateau.

1. I managed to go on vacation and NOT gain weight. I made the best choices available during the trip.
2. I got to spend 10 days of quality time with my hubby and accomplish a lot of the outside work we needed to get done.
3. I got to watch the Cincinnati Reds thrash the NY Mets - all from 200 feet behind home plate!
4. I'm still a heck of a lot healthier than I was 8 weeks ago!

There. Amazingly enough I feel better now. Now to get back to it and do this thing right! Goals for the week are going to be to have fun with the boys, who are on spring break; drink plenty of water, which I've been doing great on but want to continue; LOSE some weight, instead of staying the same; and do my Tai Chi at least 3 times.

One little thing - I met a goal last week! I managed to wean myself away from sugar in my coffee, sticking to just a bit of non-dairy creamer. Go me!!

Food Journal (3/24/2009)

Breakfast (5)
1 bowl maple & brown sugar Cream of Wheat
3 egg whites
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (7)
Weight Watcher's Smart Ones Pepper Steak
1 1/2 cups salad
2 Tbsp. light ranch dressing

Dinner (11)
2 turkey smoked sausages
1 cup sauerkraut
1/2 cup baked beans
10 tater tots

Evening Snack (5)
10 tater tots
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

I went 2 points over, because of the whole tater tot thing again. *hangs head in shame* I think I'm going to have to quit making tater tots - they appear to be my weakness!

Food Journals (3-19-2009 & 3-20-2009)

Two-for-one today, as I was too busy yesterday to sit down and post. I didn't do well these past 2 days, either - I was a point shy both days and didn't drink near enough H2O yesterday. Needless to say, I woke up this morning feeling lethargic and bloated. Lesson learned, I dare say. Who would've thought that hydration was so key to increased energy and weight loss?

3-19-2009

Breakfast (7)
3 egg white, low sodium turkey bacon & cheese sandwich
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (7)
Weight Watcher's Smart Ones Chicken Fajita Pizza

Dinner (9)
McDonald's Southwest Salad with grilled chicken
1 packet of Southwest Dressing

Evening Snack (2)
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

3-20-2009

Breakfast (5)
1 package of maple & brown sugar Cream of Wheat
3 egg whites
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (8)
6" Subway Club on wheat, no cheese
1 bag Baked Lays potato chips

Dinner (8)
1 cup chicken stir-fry
1 egg roll
1 cup brown rice

Evening Snack (4)
100 Calorie Snack Pack Fudge Stripes
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Food Journal (3/12/2009)

Let me start of with a SQUEEful little yell, because I am wearing my skinny jeans today - AND THEY ARE LOOSE!! Insert happy dance here. What a feeling, this makes it all just that much more worth it, you know?

Okay, so on to yesterday's food journal. I must admit, the stress of yesterday caught up with me last night and I nommed a handful of tater tots. While I totally hang my head in shame, I also realize that it's not a setback. I did it, I felt guilty, I'll think twice about doing it again. Period. No sense crying over spilled milk.

Breakfast (5)
3 egg whites
1 slice of low sodium turkey bacon
1 cup cantaloupe
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (7)
Weight Watcher's Smart One's Broccoli and Cheddar Roasted Potatoes
1 Weight Watcher's yogurt
1 apple

Afternoon Snack (4)
1/4 cup guacamole
100 Calorie Snack Pack Sun Chips

Dinner (6)
Turkey Burger with light garlic mayo

Evening Snack (4)
100 Calorie Snack Pack Fudge Stripes
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Faux Pas (4)
Tater tots

Food Journal - Days 20 & 21

Note to self: Jenn, if you forget to hit "Publish Post", it's a little hard to get your Food Journal uploaded. *facepalm*

Well, since I was an idiot to the Nth degree on Saturday, I'll just post Sunday's Food Journal along with it. How about that? I completely effed up on Saturday evening. I ended up with a load of points left and just started randomly grabbing things to shove in my pie hole to make my points. The results of this were a very bloated me, along with some intestinal woes on Sunday that you really don't want to know about. I've definitely learned my lesson on this one, so learn it with me - you don't want to feel that way, I promise!

Day 20

Breakfast (5)
1 package of Oatmeal
3 egg whites
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (5)
1 Fresco Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco
1 Pintos 'n' Cheese

Dinner (11)
Weight Watcher's Smart Ones Chicken Fajita Pizza
100 Calorie Snack Pack Sandies
Banana

Evening Snack (5)
100 Calorie Snack Pack Fudge Stripes
3 sour cream & onion potato chips
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Day 21

Breakfast (5)
3 egg whites
1 Weight Watcher's yogurt
1 apple
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Lunch (7)
1 cheese quesadilla
1/4 cup guacamole
1 pear

Dinner (10)
1 cup whole-wheat Penne with Marinara & cheese
2 cups salad with 2 Tbsp. croutons & light Ceaser dressing

Evening Snack (4)
1/4 cup guacamole
8 oz. coffee
2 Tbsp. non-dairy creamer
2 tsp. sugar

Week 2 Weigh-In (& a food journal recap)

Wow. This past week was just . . . wow. I totally failed at posting my food journal, as well as not getting in my recommended amount of points 2 of the days. My baby's 9th birthday was Friday, so the whole of that day was spent icing cupcakes with *hangs head in shame* quite a bit of finger licking. I did manage to refrain from eating anything taboo at the party, but running through the Taco Bell drive-thru at 9PM for dinner - even if it was a Fresco style chicken soft taco and a pintos 'n' cheese - just isn't good diet fodder.

All that aside, imagine my surprise when I discovered that I still lost 1.7 pounds this week! I'm kind of glad that I struggled this week, because now I know that even when life gets crazy I can still keep this thing going.

This week's goals are to:

1. Update my food journal online daily.
2. Lose 2 pounds.
3. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day.

Wish me luck!

An introduction . . .

Where to start? Hmmm . . . well, I'm Jenn. I'm 35, happily married, and mother to two boys. Very recently, my body has made me aware that I'm under WAY too much stress. Not one to ignore my body, I figure it's time to step up and listen - and do something about it.

It's been building for quite some time now. I quit smoking five years ago. And while I know that was the smartest thing I could do, I've never quite figured out how to deal with daily stress since then. I've picked up hobbies that calm and soothe me, but it just doesn't quite take the edge off. I've ignored it, pushed it off as "hormones", tried to just move past it.

The result? My body is shutting down. There is no other way to put it. I've put on a humiliating amount of weight - even though I eat very well most of the time. I have trouble sleeping. I keep a sinus infection. My feet ache constantly - when I get up to walk and don't have shoes on it feels like I'm walking barefoot on sharp gravel. I keep muscle knots in my neck and under my right shoulder blade. I'm not depressed - far from it. I'm blessed and I know it, though I must admit to being VERY down on myself most (if not all!) of the time.

For quite some time now I've lashed out at my poor husband for all of this. Blaming him, I guess, in an attempt to not face the real issue. Me. My insane desire to please everyone in my life - which automatically puts me at odds with myself. The fact that I'm unhappy about my weight. Getting mad at he and my boys for not helping more around the house. Nagging constantly to "get your chores done" and "get to bed".

All of it boils down to a lack of respect on their part, I realize that. Last night, though, I had an epiphany that brought me to the point of starting this blog. My husband and boys SHOULDN'T respect me. Not at this point, anyways. Because I don't respect myself. Somewhere along the line I have slipped into this whole martyr-complex thing and told myself that people would see how self-sacrificing and caring I was and want to help me. How stupid was that? How could I not have seen that by putting off my doctor's and dentist appointments, going without buying new clothes and getting haircuts, forcing myself to still get up and cook dinner when I was sick - just because someone whined about having to do it for me, and a myriad of other things, that I was really showing them that I was meant to be used? That, while I thought I was teaching them how to care for others, I was really teaching them that I wasn't worth caring about?

I know better now. I know that if I want my life to improve, which I do, I have to respect and care for myself FIRST. That by taking the time to make myself happy I'll be making them happier in the long run. The problem is I have no idea how in the heck to accomplish this. I've spent the past decade doing the WRONG things. Turning myself around and doing the RIGHT things now seems impossible.

I'm starting now. I've decided that my first step should be to make a list of the things it that make me feel happy. They may not all be about me, but if they make me happy they're going to be on the list. I'm jotting them down as I think about them, so I'm guessing that will be in the order of importance.

1. Having a clean home.
2. Feeling like I've provided nutritious and edible meals for my family.
3. Finding time to take a shower - even at midnight!
4. Quiet - the ability to curl up with a good book and not have to set it aside to deal with anyone interrupting me.
5. Feeling good enough to bake cookies during the day, just to surprise my guys with when they get home.
6. The feel of the yarn sliding through my fingers as I knit &/or crochet.
7. Sitting down at my sewing machine and creating.
8. Pulling up weeds in my garden, and seeing my plants reappear each spring.

Okay, well, that's a start - and I've rambled on here enough. Now to figure out a way to stop sitting around moping because the house is a mess, I ache too bad to cook and I have no time to sew - move past it - and become a happy and productive person again.

My goal for this week? To do at least one thing a day that has something to do with this list. Baby steps. I'm not going to try to scrub the entire house is one day, but if I manage to clean a bathroom that is a branch of my journey accomplished, is it not?